Holding Down the Bottom

Playing in a band is awesome, but “party hearty” spirit and professionalism can be a sour mix. I did gigs with a jazzy-ish bass player who drank lots, appeared like Van Morrisson channeling Charles Bukowski and, on gig-day, he would tour the bars to woo prospective fans. One night, as the gig began, he was stationed on a stool stage left, and after a couple of shaky runs, his head dipped and the bass stopped. He was out.. sleeping soundly. I inserted a walking bassline on piano, bottomed out the EQ, and kicked his stool.. One kick sent him against a side wall, and then he’d bounce back, until another kick would reverse it, back toward the wall. It was working, I thought, a virtual “swaying to the beat” motion. But the crowd cheered and jeered, loving the jerky stage moves! The cash register rang out, as barflies watched their hard-drinking superhero live out his rock star dreams. He got a second wind and we finished strong with bar favorites like “Brown Eyed Girl” and “Bad Bad Leroy Brown.” He ordered 2 pitchers at last call.. we awaited a certain weekly gig offer. But the bartender looked annoyed, and emerged from dim lights, with a couple hundred in twenties. She handed it over, saying, “I saw him sleeping.. and you’re fired, by the way…”