Month: June 2017

Historically, noble knights were our “do-gooders,” the counterbalance to unfair policies of the King. So, if there were a damsel in distress, or a loyal countryman set on by thieves, rest easy, a trusted knight would soon arrive, with justice, revenge or rescue.. In modern America, this mythical tradition is carried on by “overgrown boy scouts” in the style of Jim Comey (or Neil Gosuch), who find untold ways to recite an oath of honor.. and if there’s doubt, they “gosh golly” and “gee whiz” past even the most hardened guards, and into the castle. Meanwhile, along the King’s Highway, we make our deals, but do still keep an ear out, for those hoofsteps, of some noble knight..

On a bright and sunny Friday morning, the easy-listening TV channel here is playing “Rainy Days and Mondays.” Gotcha, Big Pharma payola..

Trumpalumpa: ix-nay on the Ussia-Ray -Comey secret notes
PS.. And ush-hay on the eak-lays! (:

It’s important to always find the sweet spot, in anything you do. My first job in RI was as a dapper waiter on Federal Hill. I wore a tuxedo, ran hard, had lots of laughs.. and quickly learned the state I was in! The customers were amazing and generous, mostly, but one night a snobby couple ran me for two hours, not satisfied nor short of condescending remarks. I knew to let this slide off, that being polite and courteous was the best move. So, as I poured a final coffee and set the check down, I thanked them as if they were magnificent customers, and on the forty-seven dollar tab, they departed, leaving two sad dollars. I did, however, notice they’d neglected to total the check, leaving the tip area empty. So now the sweet spot, after being nice, was to add a gracious 10 dollar tip, then total it up. Another waiter might have balked and taken the hit.. or added too much on the check, say 15 or 20 bucks, but that wasn’t the sweet spot. Ten looked pretty good all around.. and going forward. The pretty cashier smiled, rang up 57 with swift, nonchalant strokes and handed me a crisp 10. Off I went to the kitchen, to jaw with the chef, who also happened to be a darned good drummer! (:

It’s all about taking risks, I told myself, as I placed the winter hats, scarves and gloves in the bottom dresser drawer…

To paraphrase the famous John Lennon quote, “Good songs are what happens to you when you’re busy writing bad songs..” (:

Our apartment-building got “acquired” by a law firm, so we didn’t know what to expect. One day a youngish, clean-cut lawyer came by and introduced himself with a strong handshake, tilted head and half smile. He quickly turned on his boat shoes and set off to his golf club. A week later, I heard my upstairs neighbor, a lanky college student, freaking out down in the basement. They’d installed pay-laundry machines to replace the free laundry ones. And my student buddy had jammed the mechanism, accidentally using a nickel in one slot, and was trying to force it, now using a hammer to try to get it in, or out. But mostly he was just hitting the dang thing! I was too late to salvage any semblance of “his innocent mistake.” He suggested busting it open completely, but instead I proposed we check out an old washing machine in the back of the basement. We carried it over, hooked it up and, in a moment of magic, free laundry was restored. We moved the pay one near the stairs, perhaps a friendly hint that the pay ones should go, and free ones come back.. We still paid quarters, for the dryer, until one day I noticed the quarter-box was loose, and it pulled right out. I found I could remove quarters from it, re-insert them, and recycle them right back into the box. I’d then shove the box in, so it looked normal. I denied that this whole thing was starting to look bad. About a week later, I heard another freakout down in the basement. This time it was the landlord. I peeked out the window and saw his BMW in the driveway. I stood very still, and didn’t answer the door, as he stormed up and down the stairs knocking and pounding, breathing heavily. After he left, I paced, in a panic, then popped a cold beer to chill. The next Monday, a large, working class, blue collar guy came by and hooked up the Fort Knox of new, shiny, impenetrable, pay laundry machines, like two soldiers, standing stout and defiant! After a little tug on the immovable, tight pay boxes, a gliding hand along the smooth chassis mounts and an eye on the glint of bevelled edges I knew my low-rent wiles should be used to acquire more quarters, admire these sleek crafts of commerce, kick back a bit, and let capitalism take this round..

Bunch of guys in Maine go ice fishing, and one invites a geology professor from the college. They are standing around the hole they’ve cut, and one says the ice must be two feet thick. The geology professor tells them, “You know, back in the ‘glacier days,’ the ice here was more than a mile high.” They look up and down, think it over, and finally one says, “A mile high, huh?.. But just over the lake, right?”

Tell someone a 100%, absolutely, true story.. no one will believe a word of it. But tell a preposterous made-up fable, imagined purely from your mind, devoid of any facts.. and folks will conclude it must be true! (:.. ps- fact and fiction, they are the devil’s brew! While my buddy’s fav expression was – “that’s no word of a lie”.. and man, he could spin a yarn! “Not buying it, sir.”  – concludes the master, Bill O’Reilly

When I worked at the greyhound race track, I liked the sound of metal on metal as the mechanical hare swung around the track on its rail. Just like us, chasing the American Dream, the dogs will run as long as they can see the rabbit. The operator has to adjust the hare’s speed, so all dogs have a clear view. Rabbit too slow, front dogs see it’s fake.. rabbit too fast, dogs in back lose sight.. and stop running!